


The Three Phases of Goodbye

by aconstellationofmemories



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Bonus Day 1: Fur Coat, Day 5: Farewell, F/M, Laxus Dreyar - Freeform, Mirajane Strauss - Freeform, Miraxus, Miraxus Week 2020, day 7: future, fairy tail - Freeform, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22911670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aconstellationofmemories/pseuds/aconstellationofmemories
Summary: Three times when he parted ways with her, until he closed the distance between them.
Relationships: Laxus Dreyar/Mirajane Strauss
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	The Three Phases of Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back after an unexpectedly long break with a oneshot for Miraxus Week 2020. I think it's fate that my first time participating in a Fairy Tail fanweek is also one hosted by me. 
> 
> This oneshot is somewhat rushed as I'm on a time constraint (exams, why do thou torture me so?). I drew most of my inspiration from Kyuhyun's "I Don't Love You" and Ella Henderson's "Yours" for Part I and Part II respectively. Highly recommend that you give them a listen!

PART I

The first time it happened, was also the first time he made her cry.

He recalled having fought with Gramps earlier that day. For what reason exactly, he couldn’t remember. Only the phrase, “You’re a Dreyar,” uttered in disgust and the wounded emotions stuck with him. 

While the name was held in high regard among the public, to him, it was a burdensome, hefty weight to carry. One he never wanted to.

No matter how strong he grew to be, Gramps was always disappointed in him. From a young age, everyone had placed great expectations upon his tiny shoulders. His father desired him to be powerful. His grandfather wished him to make the family name proud. The world expected him to be the great Dreyar next in line. 

Each of them had dreamt a vision of him which he never asked for. All he wanted to be was simply Laxus. Was that too much to ask for?

He could be the strongest mage in Fiore, and Gramps would still let out a long sigh when he glanced at his grandson. Despite his efforts, he would always fall short.

The thought enraged him. 

Even more annoyingly, his chest ached a little bit. Why should it? The hell with what Gramps perceived of him.

Unable to stand the sight of the old man or the guild a second longer, he stormed out without a destination in mind.

He just needed to get _out_.

Later that evening, he sought for some elusive relief at a bar. He threw back a few shots of beer without hesitation. A girl, apparently interested in him, slid into the stool next to him. Her hand on his thigh was an unwelcome sensation, almost as if he was betraying someone. The notion itself was ridiculous. He wasn’t bound to anyone. He seized her up with a penetrating gaze. Surprisingly, she didn’t flinch under his hard stare.

“Are you looking to forget something?” she asked seductively. Her hand, so foreign on his thigh, crawled up higher. “I can make you forget better than that drink.” 

He had to admit it, the young lass was pretty. Long, dark tresses framed a slender olive complexion with mesmerising hazel eyes and tempting crimson lips. Her husky voice beckoned him to have a taste of the precious good in front of him. She was an irresistible beauty for most men.

To him, however, she only served as a stark contrast to a certain someone. 

Just like how he couldn’t live up to his Gramps’ expectations, this woman could never be compared to the likes of that person.

Before the ambitious hand could progress any further, he grabbed it away from him. “I’m telling you this only once,” he warned, glaring at her. Still confident, she opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he was faster. “Get the hell away from me.”

Sensing the hostility from him, she clammed her mouth shut and wisely withdrew to some other part of the bar.

Thanks to her, his head was filled with images of an ivory-haired woman. Great. As if his day couldn’t get any worse.

“I knew you’d be here.”

The familiar voice halted the ascent of his glass. 

“I heard what happened with the Master.” The woman of his imaginations had materialised into the real world and occupied the seat on his right. 

“Did the senile old man sent you to check that I wouldn’t cause problems?” he asked sarcastically, his gaze focused on the gold liquid in his glass.

“I was worried about you.”

“Why? Afraid you’d get on his bad book and be demoted?” 

Even as the words left his mouth, he knew it wasn’t true. She wasn’t that sort of person. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from verbally hurting her.

“To other people, you’ve changed into someone else entirely–”

“That’s not wrong. I’m no longer the weak Laxus from before.”

“–but to me, deep down, you’re still the Laxus I knew.”

If he dared to believe it, she might even offer her heart to him.

The thought sent a slither of something eerily similar to fear down his spine.

Her gaze dropped to her hand. It rested upon his chest, directly on top of his heart. Unlike the woman from earlier, her touch didn’t felt repulsive.

“I know you’re not the bad person you make yourself to be. It’s just a defence mechanism to protect yourself. The Laxus I know is a man who cares for his family but doesn’t know how to show it. Because he was denied the love of his parents. He couldn’t show he was sad, because he was expected to be strong.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The steadiness in his voice concealed the uneven rhythms of his his heartbeats. Never in his life would he admit that his heart was trembling. Her words had awakened a part of him it shouldn’t have.

He watched the golden liquid flow around the glass as he twirled it. “If you think I’m hiding my true self like a coward, you’re delusional. This is who I am. Take it or leave it,” he spat.

“You can fool everyone, Laxus, even Master,” she said softly, “but you can’t fool me.” 

It was right, she knew him better than anyone else. Even the most hidden part of him. 

But he was also acquainted with her darkest secrets and weaknesses, and he wasn’t above wielding his knowledge of them.

Even if using them felt like he was stabbing himself.

Cupping her cheek in his calloused hand, he smirked at her. “Sweet, idealistic Mira,” he said cynically. “I used to like playing with you because you were different.”

“Playing?” she asked softly, in disbelief.

“You were full of spunk and challenged me,” he began, getting closer to her face. “But you changed after Lisanna’s death, and started to poke your nose into my business. It’s bothersome and I’m tired of it.”

“You’re just saying that to hurt me,” she said, her chin quivering.

“Am I not right?” He pinned her a hard stare, merely inches away from her face.

“Is this what you really want, Laxus?” she said, her voice shaking a little. 

“Do you not get what I’m saying?” he evaded, then gulped quickly. “Stop meddling in my business,” he snarled, reluctantly dropping his hand. It was the last time he could ever touch her.

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. It might as well have dragged him down along with it. 

She stared tearfully at him for the final time. _Are you really doing this?_ her gaze asked.

 _I am_ , his serious ones returned.

She nodded, then took a deep breath. Glancing down, she turned her back on him and strode away.

Just like that, without a word, she left.

Instinctively, his foot stepped forward to chase after her. His mind stopped his body before he could make another move. Forcing himself to accept what he had done, he closed his eyes and clenched his fists at his sides.

Even Mirajane Strauss was disappointed in him now.

“No, this is not what I want at all,” he confessed.

For some reason, it hurt more than if she had insulted him or hit him. At least if she had done either, it meant she was angry at him. If she hated him, she wouldn’t be in despair because of him.

Overwhelmed by sensations he didn’t want to identify, he mock-laughed at himself.

In the end, even when he grew stronger and bigger, nothing had changed over the years.

He was always alone.

* * *

PART II

The second time, it was him who sought her out.

The sky was painted with shades of apricot as the sun made its glorious descent. The purplish grey hues of dusk was quickly creeping in. He found her by the beach, strolling barefoot absent-mindedly along the sandy path with her sandals in her hands. Strands of ivory locks fluttered in the breeze around her. Her footsteps were slow, making it seem like she was contemplating on something.

What could she be thinking? Was she recalling the events of the day, when he had rebelled against them and attempted to seize control of the guild?

Or was she replaying that moment when he said those disgusting, hurtful words to her?

Words which he wished he could take back.

As much as he wanted, he couldn’t undo the damage they had inflicted. However, there was one thing he could try to redeem himself.

“Hey, Mira.”

That was to start over. He would begin with a greeting and, if she was willing to give him another chance, slowly make his way to becoming closer to her once more. This time, without abusing her trust and faith.

Her footsteps halted at the call of her name. He held his breath in suspense as he awaited her reaction. Would she refuse to acknowledge him? Scold him? Call him names? 

As long as she was willing to look at him again, he would be contented with any harsh treatment if it meant he could see her again.

She pivoted on her heels and glanced at him in mild surprise. She tucked a stray lock behind her ears and, to his disbelief, smiled sincerely at him. Even after all he had done, she didn’t hold any hatred for him in her gaze.

“Hey, Laxus.”

Just like that, with merely two words, she had granted him another chance.

He wouldn’t mess it up this time.

“What are you doing here?” he asked softly.

“Just enjoying the sunset,” she responded.

A pregnant silence fell between them, both not giving voice to the words they wanted to say. With the stiff atmosphere surrounding the space between them, you would never guess that they used to be childhood friends. Perhaps even something more than friends.

This had been his doing. _What the hell have I done?_

“Are your injuries okay?” she inquired, somehow managing to feel concern for him. Typical Mira. Her care knew no limits. He had used that trait against her that night, but in reality it was one of the many things which drew him to her.

“They won’t kill me,” he said. His whole body hurt. He couldn’t move a muscle without experiencing a sharp pull. Not that he would ever admit that out loud. “How are you?” he asked gruffly. Those three words felt foreign on his tongue. But he needed to know regardless.

“Now that I’ve seen you again, I’m doing better.”

He blinked.

“You’re always a family, Laxus.”

“I’m no longer part of Fairy Tail,” he said with a woeful smile. “Gramps exiled me.”

“Even so,” she emphasised, “even after all that, you’ll always be family to us.”

He dropped his gaze. “I...to you...” he began. “The things I’ve said...” _Damn it._ The words which he wanted to say, words which he meant, why wouldn’t they come out?!

“I know, Laxus,” she said softly, comfortingly.

“No...” he shook his head.

“You don’t have to say them, Laxus. I know.” She gazed at him in understanding. _You didn’t mean them_ , it said.

_Not a single word._

_It’s okay._

Only it wasn’t. Not to him. Because of his foolish greed, he had broken the already fractured comradeship with his fellow members. On top of that, he ruined the bond which he shared over the years with her.

No, none of it was okay at all.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, as if hearing his thoughts. “Since you’ve walked down the wrong path, from now on, you’ll only go the right one.” 

He smiled sadly at her. He hoped that would be the case.

For a long moment, they just stared wordlessly at each other.

“Are you leaving for a long time?” she eventually asked.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. It was true. There wasn’t any fixed plan, only that he intended to train and do some soul-searching. He couldn’t hurt his loved ones because of his stupidity anymore.

She nodded, then smiled brighter than the blazing star in the sky. He took a photograph of the moment in his mind. The image would last him through the hard times.

“This is not goodbye, right?”

“Yeah. It isn’t.”

“Take care.”

He swallowed. “You too.”

Because he couldn’t bear to see her leave one more time, he took heavy footsteps away from her. 

One, then another.

And another.

Until her light floral scent disappeared with the wind.

* * *

PART III

_One more hour._

Those were the words he repeated to himself.

Each time he said it, he vowed that he would muster the strength after one more hour.

That had been five hours ago. 

Before he knew it, three hundred and seventeen minutes had elapsed since his first deal with himself. A fleeting nineteen thousand and twenty seconds which he hopelessly wished would last forever.

_Just a little longer._

His eyes roamed over her features, memorising every little detail. Her loose fringe framing her forehead. The scrunch of her nose when she dreamt. The outline of her eyes. Her slightly parted lip. The sound of her breathing filled the silent morning.

Lying here like this, just watching her sleep, he could live this way forever. 

  
Involuntarily accepting the reality, Laxus rustled slightly in bed and let out a quiet grunt to the silent room. He barely slept a wink the night before. Unlike the dawn which unveiled its dark drapes in anticipation to greet him, he wasn’t eager to commence his day. He moved carefully and as quietly as possible as to not wake her. 

When he was dressed, he trudged back to the bed and gazed at her again for several long moments. No matter what, he just couldn’t get enough of her. 

Carefully, he lifted his fur coat and covered her with it. It was her favourite. He was going to be away for a while, and it would accompany her in his place during his absence. Although the coat had grown to be an indispensable part of him over the years, he loved the sight of her being swallowed by it as she wrapped it around her body. Secretly, a part of him found satisfaction in seeing her wearing his clothes. It showed the world that she was his.

All his.

Just like how he was all hers.

Gently touching her soft porcelain cheek, he leaned in and placed a kiss on her fringe-covered forehead. Go, you idiot. It took every last ounce of strength for him to trudge away from her.

He was leaving her again.

But this time, when he returned, he would rewrite their story.

There would be no more goodbyes exchanged between them, only a hello to new beginnings. Together.

He would ask for that forever.


End file.
